have you...

ever doubted?

have you ever doubted about yourself, your identity, your mission, your aim, your goals, your abilities, your skills?

have you ever wondered if you'll ever cross that finish line?

have you ever wondered why you can't make yourself any better than the way you are now? better yet, have you ever wondered why you can't change at all?

have you ever doubted if everything in your life is at the right place and at the right time? have you ever wondered why things in your life have bee so much fucked up that you can't move anymore?

have you ever felt confused and helpless at the same time? have you ever been betrayed?

have you ever though that you've been cheated out of love and loyalty?

have you ever though that there was nothing to be happy about the next day?

have you ever thought of just asking God to let you die in your sleep, and then take it back the moment you think of it because your family still needs you?

have you ever been so messed up?

have you ever lost almost a half of what you think is rightfully yours?

have you ever thought the memories you hold contain false pretext?

actually, have you ever thought that the stuff and the people you now hold don't belong to you at all?

have you ever thought that the things you set free out of love aren't coming back because they don't, didn't and have not ever belonged to you in the first place?

have you cried your eyes out, stopped the tears from coming, and then start the cycle all over?

have you ever thought that the days that were supposed to be made out of smiles and laughter are going to be just a big pain in the heart?

have you ever thought that there was no point in living a life in one huge big lie?

have you ever wondered why you couldn't say the words which you were supposed to say, ask the questions you were supposed to ask, and do the things that you are supposed to do but then you've never gone through them all?

well, have you?

because i have.

and it's driving me insane.

--shing

the trends

so, when i opened my issue of Pauliworld today, i found myself staring at PL's and Pat Nabong's feature article entitled 'InterNetwork'. It featured facebook, twitter and tumblr and their insights about it.

honestly, i don't do trends. i was the girl who detested skinny jeans when they first came out and was only forced into them because my mother bought me an expensive pair and my conscience wouldn't let me rest with the fact that it might go to waste. I didn't opt to have bangs when everyone else had them. i read, sis and played everything after everyone else did them because i didn't want to follow the trend.

after reading the article, i was thinking 'oh internet trends...'. i didn't follow them either. until now, i don't have facebook and it still remains a mystery for my cousins why i don't have one. the only trendy account i have is plurk, and i had it even way before people started to have one (courtesy of Hrin and her ingenious idea of making an account so we could update each other with what's been happening to both of us even if we were miles apart -- but that's past ._.).

i can't explain why i don't even like following trends. chie and i are totally opposite when it comes to them: she knows trends even before they come out and i only do trends when they're forgotten and stories about it have died down.

whatever. i don't need to do them to act cool because i know i'm cool enough :P

--shing

student eye bags

i admit, i didn't have enough sleep last night.

first, i crammed with zhar in writing the abstract part of our thesis, and then when i finally put myself to bed, i reached for my copy of 'House of the Spirits' by Isabel Allende and ended up sleeping at around 12 with hateful thoughts towards the character named Esteban Trueba because he's one big evil meanie... well, that's what i think (the same sentiments i've heard many people say, but yes, he's not a character you would love anyway).

I woke up this morning at around 4:45 wondering if i even hit the alarm clock minutes before, but because i'm a slow person in the morning, i opted not think dwell upon that question and got out of bed. and the only time i was able to look at my face clearly was during math time, 4th subject, when i entered IV-6's washroom.

starting back at me were oh-so dark circles below my eyes and i panicked. It's been a long time since i've seen them that dark and i looked terribly ugly. i mean, i don't care for looks and appearances, i couldn't care less about my hair or the way i dress, but the face ._.

so right now, just an hour before my appointed sleep time (which i will surely follow... i promise), i ended up researching about eyebags and dark circles and how to get rid of them.

from candymag :

How do I reduce my eye bags and dark circles?
Eye bags and dark circles are two different conditions and are frequently interchanged. However, the former refers to puffy under eyes. If they are due to lack of sleep, a result of crying, or rubbing, a cold compress can help get circulation in the area going, thereby bringing down the swelling. However, if you have always had eyebags, then you'll need to learn to apply concealer (one shade lighter than your skin tone) underneath the eyebags, not on it. The light shade brings that area forward, de-emphasizing the puffiness of your eyebags. Blend accordingly, then set with loose powder. Dark circles however refer to the grayish undertones under your eyes. If this is your condition, choose a concealer that matches your skin tone perfectly. Applying too much concealer underneath the entire eye can actually highlight your dark circles more than hide them, so apply the concealer only to the dark areas. Blend with a sponge or your finger, then top off with loose powder.


from care2 :


Adapted from The Herbal Home Spa, by Greta Breedlove (Storey Books, 1998).

Nobody looks good with puffy bags under their eyes, but how to get rid of them? Everyone’s got their magic potions, but this is the easiest remedy I’ve ever run across, and it really works!
I was so surprised by the single kitchen ingredient that this how-to calls for—it’s not a cucumber, and you’re sure to have one on hand. Find out the secret!
Raw potato slices will help tighten baggy, puffy eyes. All you need is a potato and a knife or slicer!
To Make:
1. Slice 1/4 potato to fit over your eyes.
2. Cut 2 slices or, if you prefer, 5 to 10 very thin slices, several for each eye. Either method works.
To Use:
1. Spritz eye area with water.
2. Lying down, place the potato slices on your eyelids and leave in place for at least 10 minutes for best results.

ice... make-up... potatoes... oh c'mon.... it's not like i have all the time in the world now, do i? but i might consider doing these during summer...

maybe :P

--shing